Thursday, May 15

Pockets and Shit

Yes, it's true. Even I use them. And whodathunkit? A rich celebrity blogger like myself, using his pockets. "Why do I bring this up?", you may ask. "Surely, rational individuals use pockets!" Well, you'd be right in that assumption. Rational individuals do use their pockets. Irrational individuals do not. They fill it with null, which is, coincidentally, the same material that 50% of their brain is made of, with the other 50% being Fruity Pebbles or some other gay breakfast cereal.

Why would anyone not use their pockets? Are they a fashion statement like babies? I see these idiot meatbags walking around school in their cargo pants, five-hundred pockets and not one of them being used. Yet their messenger bag is filled to the brim with all manner of stupidity to include some sort of notebook, gel pens, a copy of the Holy Bible, and a laptop (more often than not an Apple product of some sort.) Three of these things would fit excellently inside any of the pockets, but they need a damn bag for it all. There was a long time ago when pockets were functional, even necessary. Now, they are like the pancreas of one's apparel, utterly useless until there happens to be a problem with it. In that eventuality, one will need to operate, lest you lose change to that pocket forever.

MUHAHAHAHAHAHA. I'm wacky, aren't I?

At any given moment, most if not all of my pockets are filled to the brim with all manner of delightful things like pencils ,(OOOOOH), and money, (AAAAAAH.) Sometimes, I may be able to squeeze in the abnormally large paperback like The Adventures of Huck Finn or The Stand. So I duly keep my belongings in the pocket. Some pants, though, aren't made to have pockets. Like the ones I'm wearing at this very moment. The material is very slick, and, as such, my wallet slipped out of it and onto the bus where some individual picked it up, likely with the intention of returning it, but must've been mugged. I forgive them.

So, you neu-hippies can go to Hell for all I care or the equivalent: your local Hollister/American Eagle.


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