Wednesday, September 30

rainy days like these

Y'know, it is frequent for me on rainy days like these to wonder how your lips must taste; how sweet they must be; how, no matter what, they cut me to the quick. You've got me waiting, longing, wondering forever about those lips, babe.

Things are never supposed to be easy

I've been here at school for five weeks already and it's been an incredibly unique experience, and, in many ways, something I was not unprepared for. I was never the one to weep into my pillow softly at night and wish I was back home with my family. In fact, I don't really miss a whole lot about life back home, save the ease of it and the girl I had to leave in order to be here.

Still, life's an utter bitch here. Being close to failing and, in some cases, actually failing multiple classes is a sobering experience. I knew that it would be hard for me here, considering that study habits are not something that come easy to me. I also figured out that you shouldn't pick classes half-heartedly. If you can barely maintain any interest in the field that you are supposedly going to go into, you can never hope to achieve anything more than a passing grade. I know now that I never want to pursue a career in the sciences. School is hard. And I know that freshman year is going to be the hardest for anybody. Realizing that, it's relatively easy for me to overcome this QUICK; ESCAPE! feeling that my mind is giving me. I know that it would not be prudent for me to back out, even though repercussions are merely monetary. I must stick with this study, even if it only for this year.

In economics, there is the concept of the opportunity cost; the cost of the next best, yet forgone alternative. I could've stayed back home, gotten a shitty job that exploited me, and bitched about my life while living day-to-day like all of my friends. But I didn't want that. Add to that fact that I have a girl I love; a girl for whom I would do anything and whom makes even the most insurmountable tasks easy. She makes my hard life easy. And I made a promise to her, that I would do well. She makes me want to be a better person, and so I shall.

I don't know what will happen in four years. I'll probably be like every other college graduate: working at McDonald's and looking for a job relating to their career choice, even though the economy is in the can. I might just go get some IT certification, since I seem pretty adept at that stuff. It is an extremely hot market and will only continue to grow throughout the next few decades, I'd wager. Whatever I do, I'll be surviving. I could back out now, but I won't. I've made promises, to others and myself, and while I don't think a degree makes someone more intelligent, knowledgeable, or a better person, it's still a trial. And an interesting experiment.

And I'll tell you what; I'll continue to go as long as I don't have to pay for it. Huzzah.

Namaste, babes and gents.

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