Wednesday, November 4

I Have No Outline, and I Must Scream

Right now I'm fidgeting in one of the many chairs in the auditorium devoted to the Intro to Film & Video Study. I am overwhelmed by my complete and utter inability to sit still in my chair. I've got both my legs bouncing up and down, shaking my poor laptop around and threatening to toss it onto the floor. My fingers, when not tapping against the keys, are tapping one another ceaselessly.

The reason for my jittery self is because this is probably the single worst grade I have at the moment, if only for the fact that I can't take it seriously. Yeah, I missed three of five papers, but I recognize that and know that it's my fault completely. But I cannot help the fact that this class takes a subject that I hold very near and dear to my heart and rips every shred of mysticism out of it.

The films themselves are good, and the analyses of them are also very insightful. But I don't believe that writing a paper about them will further my knowledge. So far, my experience with college, (admittedly temporally limited), has exactly reflected what I have always known; that one does not do secondary education to learn something, they do it to become certified. I could learn anything I could ever possibly want to by accessing the internet or reading even a semi-factual book. As I look around me, many other people are on their laptops, some of which are viewing that gormless fuckhead Jeff Dunham's puppet shenanigans on Youtube. Nobody's serious about this.

In regards to my actual paper and assignment, (which is a precursor to the formal paper), I found out that the paper itself is only worth twenty points. Out of a thousand. Gah. Why can't people be consistent? If you have five assignments for the entire semester, their approximate worth should be that of the Ark of the Covenant, Nazi blood and all.

Fuck it all, I'm doin' it. Life's loaded with inane bullshit and I just gotta deal with it.

I don't know quite yet what I want to be when I grow up, but I'll be damned if I end up hamstringing myself.

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